Reimu fights the bad guys of adrkness
by Talos Angel
Summary: I apologize to anyone who reads this; I was drunk when I did so. I am leaving it up for archival purposes.
1. Chapter 1

REIMU FIGHTS THE BAD GUYS OF DARKESS

CHAPER OEN: REIMU DAY

-Reimu was a shrine madden who live in a place called Gesokyo which is place like Japan except has a lot of little girl that shoots lasers everywhere and doo stuff hat little girls don't normally do. "Hell Reimu," Reimu fried Marisa sad, "Is god mourning!" Reimu waked up and ate a pancake and a corn and a coco puffs, and then did shrine maiden stuff.

-SUDDENY A FONE CALL! "Hello, is Reimu tackling! WHAT? FLANDRE VAMPIRE ATTACKING THE CITY? I'm on it." Reimu looked Marisa, and said "I gotta defeet the evol bad guys who are attacking the city!" "OK" Said Marisa, so she satyed home and played Half Life 2, and fought a zobie, an allen, a robbot, a heavy, a spi, and a medick, and she won them at fighting guns and won the game. "YES!"


	2. Chapter 2

CHATER TWO: FLANDRE ATTAKING THE CITY!

-Reimu ran to the city really fast becuse she goat a phone call that said that Flandre was attacking the city earlier so she told Marsa who stayed hom and played Half Life 2. In the city, Flande was lasering all of the trees and cars and houses and houses and all was lasered! "STOP LASERING CITY!" Reimu demanded of Landre. Flandre laughing, and said "NO, YOU ARE STUPED AND MADE OF POOP!" Remu got mad, and started lasering at Flandre! "YOU WIIL NOT LASOR ME, PUNK!" Flandre screamed mad and then made more lasers to go to Reimu!

-Reimu was too fat for the lasers, and she dodeg them easyly, and punched Flounder in the faqce, so she said "OUCH!" and fell backwards. Flande got up mad, and threw a bomb at Reimu, and it killed her, but it didn't kill her because it killed her, but she used magick to life again! "UH OH!" sad Flanre, and then Reimu used shrine maid power magicks to kill Flandre! "I safed the city, and it is safe!" Reimu said happy, so she runned home to kiss Marisa because she was in lov with her even though she is a girl because it is okay for them and if you say otterwise you are sexist dick and go to hell because world is better with no of you!


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE: MARISA HOME!

-Marisa done playing Half Life 2, so played Half Life 3 instad, and shooted the Gman and won again. Then, Flandre came in, even tho she dead because SHE WAS A ZOMBIE VAMPIRE INSTEAD OF A VAMPIRE WHO WASSENT A ZOMBE! "I AM ZOMBI VAMPYRE AND I WIL KILL YOU BECAUSE REMU KILLED ME!" Marisa jumed out f the lasers, but then got hit and falled down! "Oh no, she will kill me in two second!" Marisa said, but then Pachtouli punced down the door, and shot Flandre Zombie! "Why shoot zombie? Arrent you bad guy?" Marisa aksed Pactouli? "I am a good guy because you showed me how to love again, Marisa! This is my thanks for it." Marisa and Pactouli killed the Flandre Zombie to a million pieces with a chainsaw lawnmower and magicks.

-"We won!" Marisa said happy, and smilled at Pactouli because she also liked Pactouili too. "Let's have a babby!" Pactouili yelled, so they got nekked and had hot sox on Reimus couch and Marisa got pragent ad had a baby. They named her Alice after Marisa's friend. ZReimu was asd because she knew, and she cried. "I wanted to hav a baby with you, Mariswa, WAIT! I KNOW! I will become bad guy of the next game n take the baby and then you will need to love me!"


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR: REIMUS RVENGE!

-Reimu went to the bad guy headwaters, and filld out the paperwork to become a bad guy, so she did bad guy stuff like rubbing banks, mogging peoploe, balldozing other shirnes and churches and schools and orpanages, steeling babys from candy, and worst of all, saying nice things to Gilfred von Baggans, who was the evellest person in the whole world because he says Talos Agel and Alice can't relation ship because girls, and he hits babies and girtls with a belt and he looks ugly and is stupid and he smell like poop. He also has a little penis, it is even littler than an amoeba, which is the littlest protozoa , and he can't make women ograsm and he fails at life. He eats babies and killed everyone's grandma and grandpa becaus he aslo hats old people too. Gilfred von Baggens is also pedofile, so he rapes little cildren. Gilferd is even worser than Adlof Hitler, and he wants to kjill all of the not white people, and enslav all of the wite people who he doesn't kill. He is so bad, that Osama Bin Ladder hird him to kill peopl for no reason and he diod it for free. I*f you see him IRL, punch him in the faec, because eh is PUER EVIL:!

-Marisa read the news on the TV, and SHOCKED! "I need to talk her out of ity!" Marisa yells urgently, and she ran off on her flying beromsick. She flew to bad guy HQ, where Reimu was, and she yelled "REIMU DON'Y BE BAD GUY YOU WILL RUIN YOUR LIVER!" Reimu sapped Marisa because of angree, "YOU CEATED ON ME WITH PACTOULI, AND I WANTED BABEY!" Marisa felt bad because it was true, so she kissed Reimu and said "Im Sorrry," and they made up. THEN GILFERD VON BAGGENS ROPED THEM WITH A ROPE! "HAHAHAHA!" Goilfred evel laughed at them, "I CAUGHT YOU, SO NOW THJE BAD GUYS WILL WIN AND I WILL MAKE ALL OF THE GIRLS SANDWICH ZTO ME, BUT forbid THEN FROM EACH other!"

-Pachtouli punched down the Bad guy HQ doors, and untied Reimu and Marisa. "I sorry I seducted Marisa, but I really liked her, but now I just want you both to be happy togethetr." They all charged up there good guy magicks, and killed Gilfred Von Baggans in a million pieces with blood and gore, who yelled "NOOOOOOO!" Gilferd von Baggins wet straight to hell, and the devel said "HAHAHA, I EXCEPTED YOU FOR AN LONG TIM!" The devil raped Gilfred in the butt, and cheweed on his face until it bloodded, and ZGilferd was on fire and he yelled "STOP," but the deviol didn't and he trotured Gilfred von Baggins forever. Everyone cheered happy ands said "Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!'" People peed on Gilfred carcass, and also throw tarsh and liter fluid and garbage at it, and fired it, and threw it into a hole so noone wood have two see him again. All of the bag duys burned down bad guy HQ, and builded a good guy HQ and became good guys so the bad guys lost forever this time.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIV: THE WEDDENG!

-Reimu and Maerisa had wedding to get married becauser they realized they loved each other. They invited Pactouli, Aya, Ibuki, Nitori, Suwako, Sanae, Reiji, Alice, Medicine, Cirno, Chen, Rin, Yukari, Meiling, Sakuya, Unzan, Nazarin, Hoshiguma, Parasee, Terry Bogard, Flandre, Remilia, Solid Snape, Kanako, Moku, Kaguya, Eirin, Tewi, Reisin, Wriggle Nightbug, Star Sapphire, Sunny Milk, Luna Child, Dayousei, Oriin, Keine, Gordon Freeman, and Steve, who isn't sexist so he's cool. The Shrine marriage dude, who was named NUZ, said "Let us join in ohly matrimony, and marriuage these two togwther because of love." They both said "I do," and kissed. They all had a really big and memerable party.

-"WHat will we do about Alice?" Marisa asked Pactouli and Reimu, because she was Pactouli and Marisa baby, but Reeimu the married! "I will tell her that truth, so she doesn't get heartbreaked later." Pactouli said, and they all agreed, and everybody laughed and had a good time.

THE END!

.S: Anyon has a spaer beer please? I runned out!


End file.
